The Ability to Make and Understand Puns Is the Highest Level of
Language Development.

Here are the nine first place winners in the International Pun Contest:

1. A vulture boards an aeroplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The
stewardess looks at him and says, 'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion
allowed per passenger.'

2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says 'Dam!'

3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft.
Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your
kayak and heat it too.

4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my Electron.' The
other says 'Are you sure?' The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'

5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root
canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were
standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories.
After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked
them to disperse. 'But why?', they asked, as they moved off.
'Because,' he said,' I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.'

7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes
to Spain , they name him 'Juan'; the other went to a family in Egypt
and is named 'Ahmal.' Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to
his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband
that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds,
'They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal.'

8. A group of friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they
opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked
to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town
thought the competition was unfair. He asked the goodfathers to close
down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to
close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart,
the roughest and most vicious thug in town to 'ersuade' them to
close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd
be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby
proving that only Hugh can prevent florist friars.

9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time,
which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate
very little, which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he
suffered from bad breath. This made him (Oh, man, this is so bad,
it's good) a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

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